Last Thursday my Precept class had a great discussion on what it meant to pursue a life of singleness. And considering it is Valentines Day, I’m going to begin a series on what it means to pursue singleness. This isn’t just for my single friends though, if you’re married, feel free to read it.
…Not Getting Married
Now upon reading that title you may be tempted to think that I reused a word that was unnecessary. As though it was my intention to say, “Intentional Singleness is not getting married” to which your reply would be “Duh!” But no, this is not what I meant. To be intentionally single means that in this moment of your life, you will be the single person God has made you to be, which means that you may be getting married in the future, but marriage is not what you are planning for.
This may sound odd at first, but let me explain. Had God wanted you to be married, He would have put that special someone in your life and you would be married. Whether you are 14 or 104 if God wanted you to be married, He would have you married, right now, with no questions asked. But I would guess that most reading this post is not; which is to say that most of you are single. Some of you are struggling with your singleness as though God made some mistake. Sometimes I feel as though I am that can that has slipped out of the bag and rolled under the refrigerator. Lost and forgotten. Let me be the first to say, this is not the case and I will explain this later. But for now, let me just remind you: living a life of intentional singleness is not you saying that you will never be married. It is you resting in God’s plan for your singleness right now until He changes the status quo.
Now that you understand that, let me also say that this does not mean planning for your wedding. No, I did not say, “Intentional singleness is not not planning for your wedding” as though you should be planning for your future spouse and wedding and a live happily ever after. This is not the case with one who is living to be intentionally single. Instead, one who is living intentionally single does not plan for a marriage. Though a marriage may come, it is not planned for. I have found that when I being to plan for a marriage, when I read a book about what it means to be a great husband, or when I think about how life would be so much better if I had a significant other, is when I am tempted to sin the most.
Even though you should not be planning your wedding, you should be growing in your knowledge of married things. “Wait” you reply, “why shouldn’t I plan for a wedding if I am learning anyway what it means to be married? Should I keep knowledge to myself?” Not at all! Knowledge is meant for sharing. It is shared not for the sake of sharing and looking great, but that it would grow people in the kingdom. I am positive that everyone reading this not only knows, but converses with married people on a regular basis. Since this is the case, there might be something that God uses in you to teach a married person about their relationship with their spouse. I can’t think of how many times I have met with a married man for lunch and God has used something I am reading in order to help him understand how to relate to his wife differently.
This balance is not easy. And it is when this is off balance that my view of God is changed and that I begin not trusting God with my future. For instance, if I begin to plan for marriage, and I am not dating anyone and don’t have any plans to date anyone any time too soon, these plans for marriage that I am making are meaningless and only cause me to want to get married rather than the be content in my singleness.
Another example is this, if I am not learning about marriage and teaching others about what marriage is like, I am staying in the same place and if God would have me married, I would not be ready because I hadn’t been learning. Therefore, I would be a poor husband to my wife because I would not know what God would expect from me as a husband and I would be a poor father because I would not know what God would expect of me as a father.
To recap, living a life of intentional singleness does not mean that you are not not getting married, but that you shouldn’t plan for marriage, instead you should grow in your knowledge and understanding of marriage.
This book was absolutely phenomenal, but it wasn’t as good as it could be. Before I go any further I have to preface that I am single and have never been on a date, so this book is a read for possible future events. Evans packed a lot of information into a small book without making me feel overwhelmed, which was great. Normally in a book this size I put the book down a few times because I have to process information and my brain wants to shut down, but with this book my head didn’t explode. The one thing I didn’t like about the book was that, while it was for married people, he seemed to come across like marriage is what God had planned from the beginning for all people. I know this isn’t what he was intending because I’ve read his book “Being Single and Satisfied” and he talks about… Well being single and satisfied. He does give a blurb to single people, but not a lot. Yes, I know it’s a book about marriage, so if that’s the only thing I’m complaining about then it’s a great book and I promise it is a great book. There are two companion guides for men and women which are a great resource for anyone reading the book and want to go deeper in the study. This is a great and easy read and everyone should try their best to pick this one up. You can get it 
