Events recently have called into question the idea of what godly relationships are. People have written books[1] on this subject and I am going to try and answer what these are in a blog post. (This note was written after paragraph 4.) As I am writing this I just received a blog update and it was a video from Josh Harris about not “wasting your sexuality” I’ll post it at the end of this post.
To begin with I have three friends. One of them is a guy I go to school with, he’s not Christian, knows that girls are interested in him, and leads all of these girls on. Another guy is one that I used to work with. He’s a Christians, knows girls are interested in him, leads them on and says that he’s “just friends” with these girls. The third guy is a guy I go to church with, one would be totally shocked if a girl was interested in him further than a friendship. Not because of his looks, personality, or mental capabilities because he is courteous to women and treats them like queens, but when it comes to dating they say they would “rather be friends”. As I was thinking about these guys, the first thing that entered my head was, “Wow I have a diverse group of friends!” The second thing I thought was, why is it that the guys that treat women worse, get the girl in the end and the guy that treats women best don’t.
I am reminded of I Corinthians 13 when it comes to relationships. Of course we all know that I Corinthians 13 is the “Love” Chapter in the Bible (Song of Songs being the “Love Book”). The verses that I am specifically speaking of are 4-7 and 11.
To begin with, I have to remind friend 3 that no matter how many women reject him that only makes it sweeter when one says yes. He gets down, especially after asking a girl out and being rejected, he often thinks it’s because of some physical, mental, or personality flaw and I remind him that it is none of those things and that if he thinks about it he’s not ready for a relationship. Most of the time he agrees with me, but I definitely see his side of things. There are very few men that I know that almost deserves a girlfriend and yet, he doesn’t have one because God just hasn’t opened the door. The first thing I Corinthians 4:13 says love is, is “love is patient”. Patience is the first thing that applies to love. Am I saying that it is the main absolutely number on thing that Paul was trying to get across when talking about love? No, but I do think Paul put it there first for a reason. Love shouldn’t be the first woman we see and ask her out. Or the first guy that pays us a little attention. Love waits. Love is Patient. To ask the question why in this instance would be selfish on this instance because it would be selfish. It would be the type of why that would be both demanding and stating that we know better than the almighty God. Instead we will continue to pray for him and ask God to give him peace.
The next instances are my first and second friends. One is a Christian one is not and yet they treat women the same way. For me this doesn’t make any sense. As a Christian we are held to higher standards. Not only are we held to higher standards, but the world looks to us as if to put us on a pedestal and when we do good things they don’t do or say anything, but when we act like the rest of the world they question why they should become a Christian because the Christian they know acts just like them. In the instance of these two friends, both “players” one is a Christian the other isn’t, where is the line crossed. What is the difference? Is there a difference? Should there be a difference? For myself, I would have to say that there should be a difference.
My second friend would say that he and the girl are just friends, but they are too friendly to be just friends. No, he’s not sleeping with her, but they might as well be boyfriend/girlfriend. They aren’t because he is this way with more than just this one girl. He has many friendly girls and he says it’s OK to have girls as better friends than guys. This doesn’t make sense to me. Not until one is married anyway. The way I’ve always thought of things is that there are two types of people that are better friends to girls; other girls and gay men. As much as I do not agree with the second it is definitely true. Either this guy is gay or a player. Both are not looked at as scripturally good. Going back to I Corinthians 13, verse 4 says that love is kind. Is it kind to lead these girls on? Is it kind to play games saying they are close friends? Is it healthy to have them as close friends?
I am asking myself these questions as much as I am the reader. I am trying to figure this out as much as whoever reads this.
Another relationship I would like to mention is the relationships of Jesus. Recently, people have asked me why Jesus didn’t get married. The only answer I can think of is not because he didn’t want to, but because He is engaged. He will one day be married to those of us that are the church. For Jesus to be married here on earth would have done two things. One, it would have singled out one woman above all other women to be His wife. She would have been the wife of God himself and would then have to be perfectly holy, something which no one here on earth is. Second, if He had been married he would have been married to two different people. The first would have been his wife here on earth and the second the church. This would be polygamy and is something that God considers a sin. Because Jesus is perfect he cannot sin, therefore, he could not have been married.
I hope this post has made some sense. BTW Here is the video I mention earlier:
[1] “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Josh Harris, “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric Ludy, “Boy Meets Girl” by Josh Harris only to name a few.
